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William Bianchi
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Truth is stranger than fiction
Vic Barlow7/ 5/2008
I’M WRITING a new book and, as regular readers of my column, I thought I’d ask your opinion. This is the story so far:
A local businessman drives home in his executive motor dressed as a Roman gladiator, right? For reasons known only to himself, he’s blacked his face then drunk himself into an alcoholic stupor. He crashes his car and is pulled from the burning wreckage, before disappearing into the night. (Stick with me on this.)
Some time later, a dishevelled gladiator turns up at A&E stinking of booze. Now, as fate would have it, he’s the only blacked-up, singed, Roman gladiator in hospital that night so even the local police, who couldn’t normally find White Nancy, manage to arrest him.
At his subsequent trial, our man pleads not guilty, claiming it could have been any black-faced, Roman gladiator driving his car. Magistrates disagree and consider a custodial sentence. (Still with me?)
The story now takes a dramatic twist as magistrates learn that sending our gladiator to prison is only marginally less devastating for his family than seeing him torn apart by a pride of lions. The judge passes a suspended sentence.
Now, how do you think I should end it? Yeah, that’s what I thought. Release the lions.
The views on this page are Vic Barlow's and not necessarily those of the Express
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I am right in sensing you may be a teeny bit jealous Vic?
8/05/2008 at 04:12